There is much in the news today about what and when children should be taught about sex. I would propose that we are losing sight of the difference between teaching about the "sexual experience" and the concept of "good touch/bad touch".
Having worked in schools as teacher, counselor and administrator for many years, I worked with a lot of children and their parents. When I began teaching, we were made aware of, and directed to report, children who were physically and emotionally abused, but not so aware, or perhaps more uncomfortable talking about, sexual abuse. "Good touch/bad touch" was a long way from being discussed.
Do I believe that parents have the right and responsibility to teach their children about sex and share their values? Absolutely. But we are assuming that all children are at greater risk with people they do not know. We teach them about "stranger danger" and think they are protected. And there are many children who do not even get that much information.
Being a researcher, I decided to look up data on the issue of child abuse in the United States, with particular attention to the issue of sexual abuse of children. One of the articles I found was National Child Abuse Statistics. The statistics are alarming and depressing, and one thing that struck me as problematic is the one that stated "of the reported rapes of children under 12 years old, 90% of the victims knew the perpetrator." If children are only told about "stranger danger" what are they supposed to believe when someone they know abuses them?
Somehow we have got to figure out a way to talk with all children, boys and girls, about "good touch/bad touch", their right to say "no", and listen to them when they report that something has happened to them. Until we stop bickering about what is "right" and who does what and get them the information they need and the skills to take better care of themselves, we are doing many children a grievous disservice.
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